Can we talk about my hair for a second?
It's thinner than it used to be. Softer. Falls out more than I'd like in the shower. And for a while, every time I looked in the mirror I had the same internal monologue: my hair used to be so long, so thick, so luscious. Like I was narrating a eulogy for my own head.
And then my hairdresser — my person — moved to the UK for love. (I love that for her. I'm also still grieving. Both things are true. 🥴)
She did give me the best possible handoff before she left — shoutout to Stephanie, who has been genuinely great. But we all know it takes time to build that relationship. The one where she just knows. Where you don't have to explain yourself. Where you leave feeling like yourself.
And in the meantime, I'm sitting in the chair describing hair I don't even fully recognize anymore to someone who hasn't known me long enough to fill in the gaps.
It almost feels like starting over with a whole new head — except the head is also on a body that's changing, with hormones that shifted the rules, and I didn't get a manual for any of it.
New hair, new dynamic, whole lot of resistance. And none of it was getting me anywhere.
Here's what that resistance got me: nothing.
Less than nothing, actually. It got me frustration every morning, a low-grade sadness every time I caught a photo of myself from a gig, and zero progress on actually learning what my hair needs now.
I wasn't moving forward. I was just... stuck in the "before".
And here's the thing about being stuck in the before — it doesn't just cost you time. It costs you energy, mental space, and honestly? It starts to feel a lot like depression, anxiety, and overwhelm all holding hands.
· · ·
Now let me tell you about Nick's (for those of you who are new... my boyfriend's) beard.
He grumbles about it. The gray. The way it's coming in. Every so often I hear him muttering about getting older like it's something happening *to* him that he needs to fight off.
Meanwhile — at a gig last week — someone talking to us called him a "salt and peppah Daddyyyyy" in a full Boston accent as if he was her next snack pack. (Full stahp... the audience doesn't always know we're together and I love it).
I nearly fell over. Not just because it was hilarious — but because honestly? Same. I love that gray beard. It does something for me too (which I tell him all the time). And here he is, grumbling about it like it's a problem to solve.
The thing he's been low-key mourning? That's someone's entire type. Mine included. That gray beard he wants to fight? It's working *for* him whether he acknowledges it or not.
That's the thing about resistance — we're often so busy fighting the new reality that we completely miss what it's actually offering us.
· · ·
This isn't about "embracing aging." So just stay with me.
Because this isn't really about hair or beards or getting older. That's just the entry point.
This is about what happens when you spend your energy fighting reality instead of working with it.
And I see it everywhere — in myself, in clients, in the women I talk to who are exhausted and stuck and can't quite figure out why. It's because so much of their energy is tied up in resistance.
Fighting the body that changed.
Fighting the career that shifted.
Fighting the relationship that's different than it was.
Fighting the version of themselves that showed up after loss, or burnout, or just... time.
And resistance has a tax. Every single day you spend fighting what is, you are not spending building what could be.
You fall behind. You pile on more overwhelm. And then you feel guilty about falling behind, which costs you more energy, which makes you more stuck.
It's not a plateau. It's a spiral. And it runs on resistance as fuel.
· · ·
So what does "working with it" actually look like?
It's a mindset shift, yeah — but it's also a practical one.
My hair is thinner and softer now. Okay. What styles love soft, thin hair? What products are made for this texture, not the one I used to have? What if I got curious instead of combative?
Nick's beard is going gray. Okay. What if he leaned into it instead of fighting it? (Apparently the answer is: become someone's fantasy. Just saying. 😏)
The career pivot that scared you? What skills do you already have that translate? What does this new chapter actually need from you — and do you already have it?
The body after hormones shifted, after babies, after surgery, after stress? What does this body need to thrive? Not the old one. This one.
The question isn't how do I get back to what I was. The question is what can I build with what I've actually got?
That's not settling. That's strategy.
· · ·
This week's practice: The "Work With It" Audit
Pick one thing you've been in resistance with. A body change. A life shift. A situation that isn't what you planned or wanted. Something you've been low-key (or high-key) fighting.
Write down:
- What am I actually resisting here?
- What has this changed about my situation — honestly?
- What does this new reality need from me?
- Is there anything here I've been refusing to see as an asset?
You don't have to love it. You don't have to be grateful for it...yet. You just have to stop spending yourself fighting it — and start asking what you can actually do with it.
That's where the movement starts.
🎧 This Week on the Hustle Rebels Podcast
Miss last week's solo episode? In this one I break down why so many high performers tie their identity, worth, and sense of safety to their career — and why that can quietly lead to burnout, grief, anxiety, and loss of self when the role changes.
Sound familiar? It should. It's the same trap we just talked about — just wearing a suit instead of showing up in the mirror every morning.
🎧 Listen to it here: Your Job Title Is Not Your Identity | Burnout, Layoffs, and Self Worth
And my next guest, Aaron Tisdale Parker, has lived everything I talked about in that episode. You're not going to want to miss it.
· · ·
🛠️ Toolbox Tuesday is officially LIVE
Dr. Howard Polansky has kicked off the very first Toolbox Tuesday — and it's a good one.
Howard is a former dentist who now helps families and business owners become their own CFO — a Cash Flow Optimizer — using a simple system that reduces debt payments on mortgages, car loans, student loans, and credit cards. No lifestyle overhaul required.
If you've ever felt stuck on the financial hamster wheel, this one's for you.
🎧 Listen to it here: His Client Paid Off a 30-Year Mortgage in 8 Months — Here's How | Dr. Howard Polansky
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- Renae
Wayward Wellness Coaching
Hustle Rebels Podcast