If you've been around here for a while, you know the back pain saga has been a running thread in my life. Surgeries, recovery, setbacks — the whole rollercoaster. And honestly, at this point I've tried just about everything, so when my health insurance sent me this AI physical therapy program, I thought... okay. Maybe this is it. Maybe technology has finally caught up.
Hell no.
To be fair, there is a real PT on the other side somewhere, dictating my exercises like a reasonable human being. The problem is the tablet that's supposed to be tracking my movements.
And I'll be honest with you — I have chonky legs. I own that. But this thing genuinely believed my legs were bent during side leg lifts because of the chonk at my knees. It was tracking my fat, not my form. I cannot emphasize how horrendous this was.
We are not doing that again.
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But there is something I genuinely keep coming back to... and this goes beyond bad tech.
We are so conditioned to let the diagnosis become the story. We're actually obsessed with the diagnosis.
If you looked at my MRI, an orthopedic surgeon would tell you I probably need a spinal fusion (and he did say that). That I shouldn't return to the lifestyle I used to have. That my discs are too far gone.
And I understand why they say that — that's what the imaging shows. But I don't accept that as my destination. I know my body has more capacity than any scan can capture.
And then there's Mookie.
As many of you know, Mookie is my dog, my old girl, and lately on our walks she's been wanting to be carried back like the princess she absolutely believes she is.
I knew something was off — she's older, she's carrying some extra weight — so I finally got x-rays done on her back legs. The radiology report read like a disaster. Fragmented broken bones. Strained ligaments and osteoarthritis. Orthopedic specialist. Possible surgery. The works.
Meanwhile, during the day, you would never even know she was in pain — playing with Marley, getting around fine, living her best life as long as she's not on the slippery tile.
They gave her Carprofen — basically doggy ibuprofen. I actually cut the dose in half just to start gently. And she is leaps and bounds different. Moving like a young, spry puppy. Literally as if the diagnosis was written about a completely different dog.
If I had let that report be the whole story, we might have gone straight to surgery for a dog who just needed some anti-inflammatory support and a little grace.
The diagnosis is information. It is not a sentence. And even as a paramedic, we are trained to treat the patient, not the monitor.
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This is where Dr. Joe Dispenza comes in — and if you haven't encountered his work yet, I'd genuinely recommend starting there. His books Becoming Supernatural, You Are the Placebo, and Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself put serious weight behind the idea that we have more power over our own healing than we've been taught to believe. He talks about releasing the "dis-ease" within the body — and he's not speaking purely metaphorically. He was hit by a car going 60mph during a triathlon, told he would likely never walk again, and he healed himself. That's not a metaphor. That actually happened.
I've been sitting with his work a lot lately, slowly trying to convince myself — really convince myself — that I can heal.
And then this weekend, I went to a breathwork session. Fire breathing. The kind of session where you're saying things to yourself almost hypnotically, over and over, that feels almost too big to believe.
I can heal myself.
I started that session sitting on the floor with my legs straight out in front of me. Honestly wondering if I was going to last on the concrete for 2-3 hours... Couldn't sit criss cross. Hadn't been able to for three years.
By the end of the session, I could. When I tell you a cried a little to myself the moment I bent my right hip, that's not an exaggeration.
I don't have a clean explanation for that. I'm not going to pretend I do. But something moved — literally and otherwise — and I'm not willing to let the diagnosis talk me out of what I felt in my own body.
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This Week's Practice: The Looking Inward Check-In
You don't need a breathwork facilitator or a special session for this. You just need a few minutes and a willingness to get curious instead of combative with whatever your body is holding.
- Find a comfortable position — seated or lying down. Close your eyes and take three natural breaths. Not deep, forced breaths. Just yours.
- Do a slow scan from the top of your head down to your feet. You're not looking to fix anything yet. Just notice. Where is there tension? Tightness? A dull ache? Something that's been there so long you've started to ignore it or think "that's just always going to be there"?
- When you find it, don't try to push it away. Get curious. What does it actually feel like — the shape of it, the weight of it? If it could speak, what would it say?
- Place a hand there if you can. Breathe toward it — not to force it open, just to acknowledge it. I see you. I'm not fighting you.
- Close with a simple intention. Something quiet and true: My body is doing its best. I am not broken. Healing is possible.
You don't have to believe it completely yet. You just have to be willing to try it on. And the biggest thing... Don't let your ego get in the way. Because if your brain thinks something is stupid when no one else is listening, you're keeping yourself from experiencing a whole hell of a lot.
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🎧 This Week on the Hustle Rebels Podcast
Last week's conversation with Kai Brown was such great insight from a young entrepreneur with a grounded perspective — if you haven't listened yet, make time for it.
And this week I'm dropping a solo episode that I want you to pay attention to, because it's laying the groundwork for something bigger. The conversation coming the week after goes into territory that I think a lot of you are going to feel in your chest — we're talking about the invisible labor that women carry, the weight that doesn't show up on any job description or performance review, and why so many high achievers are exhausted in ways they can't quite name. The solo episode this week is the setup. Don't skip it.
Watch on Youtube:
🎧 Listen here: [Dismantling the Traditional Career Path: Limiting Beliefs, Identity, and Breaking the Blueprint | Kai Brown]
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Until next week — keep turning inward. The answers you've been chasing might already be there.
- Renae
Wayward Wellness Coaching
Hustle Rebels Podcast
