Hey Reader,
I had an insight on my own growth this week.
Let’s start with this week’s gig.
Twenty minutes left.
Dance floor packed shoulder-to-shoulder. Ladies night... er *brunch*.
I’m guarding my mic and my guitar like they’re newborns.
The ladies are hot and heavy, ready for the next song.
We’re riding the high of “I Will Survive.”
Next up: Pink Pony Club.
We hit the looper.
Nothing.
Silence.
Then… extended silence.
This shiny, “upgraded” Boss looping station — which has already proven itself to be a hot technological mess — decided to absolutely shit the bed.
Nick is scrambling to get it working like he’s trying to figure out which wire to cut to stop a bomb.
Meanwhile, I’m watching women drift off the dance floor… one by one.
Anxiety at its peak... basically about to nervously start singing the National Anthem... or Landslide... a cappella — whichever one gets blurted out first from muscle memory.
One minute turns into three.
Three minutes feels like thirty.
Time is moving in quicksand and warp speed at the same time.
Eventually, Nick gets it working.
The beat drops.
The crowd comes back.
We finish the gig strong.
Right after that, a woman asked to take over the mic (which if you know me, I NEVER allow... but I made an exception), and she said "Make sure you tip the band!"
And here’s where the story used to go sideways for me.
Old Renae would be sitting here right now, DAYS later, replaying that silence on a loop:
- That was sooo awkward.
- You lost the room.
- Everyone noticed.
- You should’ve done something! What kind of front person are you!
- They're never going to want you back there.
That’s rumination.
But this time, my brain did something different.
Instead of spiraling, I thought:
“If that happens again, engage the crowd."
They were two feet from me.
Ask where they’re from.
What they liked about the night.
Turn it into an experience instead of freezing.
No panic spiral.
No internal beat-down.
Just… a plan.
And that didn’t come from confidence or personality.
That came from unlearning a whole pile of shit conditioning.
Where Rumination Actually Comes From (Spoiler: It’s Not a "You" Problem)
Rumination isn’t just “overthinking.”
It’s the result of absorbed beliefs and inherited identities that taught your nervous system:
- Mistakes are dangerous
- Awkward moments mean failure
- You’re responsible for keeping everything smooth
- If something goes wrong, it’s on you
Most of us didn’t choose those beliefs.
We inherited them.
From parents who were hard on themselves.
From school systems that rewarded perfection.
From workplaces that punished mistakes.
From environments where being “the reliable one” became your identity.
So when something goes sideways — even something small — your nervous system doesn’t register “technical glitch.”
It registers:
Threat to identity. Threat to my worth.
And once identity feels threatened, the body does what it knows how to do:
Replay. Analyze. Rehash. Fix. Obsess.
That’s rumination.
What Actually Changed (And Why This Matters)
The moment didn’t change.
The looper still failed.
The silence still happened.
People still walked away.
What changed was the story my nervous system tells afterward.
Instead of:
“That can never happen again. It ruined the whole thing.”
It became:
“If it does, I know how to respond. And it didn't effect the outcome of the gig anyway.”
That’s the shift.
When you strip away inherited beliefs and outdated identities, your system learns:
- I can adapt
- I don’t need to panic
- I’m not falling apart just because something went wrong
Same incident.
Different internal experience.
That’s not mindset work.
That’s nervous system work.
And This Is Exactly Why I Created Burn the Blueprint
This is why my free 3-day training, Burn the Blueprint: Masterclass exists.
Because most people aren’t stuck because they’re lazy, broken, or incapable.
They’re stuck because they’re still operating from:
- Beliefs they absorbed
- Identities they inherited
- Rules they never consciously chose
And their nervous system is just following orders.
In the masterclass, we break down:
- How these identities form
- Why your body clings to them
- And how to start stripping away what doesn’t actually belong to you anymore
I mentioned it yesterday — and I’m mentioning it again because, as my Grandma used to say, twice as nice.
And grandmas are always right.
If this story hit a nerve (no pun intended), that’s probably not an accident.
You don’t need to fix yourself.
You need to stop living inside someone else’s blueprint.
More on that inside the masterclass. Click here for more info — [Burn the Blueprint: Masterclass]
A Quick Pattern Interrupt (For When Rumination Hijacks the Wheel)
If you feel the replay starting — the mental rehash, the “why did I…” loop — the goal isn’t to solve the thought.
It’s to interrupt the pattern long enough for your nervous system to stand down.
Here are five simple ways to do that, no workbook or sign-up required:
1. Change Your Sensory Input — On Purpose
Rumination lives in sameness.
Stand up.
Change rooms.
Step outside.
Put your feet on something cold or textured.
New sensory input gives your nervous system new data: “We’re not stuck.”
2. Name What’s Happening (Out Loud if You Can)
This one feels almost too simple — which is why it works.
Say:
- “I’m ruminating.”
- “My brain is acting like a runaway train.”
- “This isn’t happening right now.”
You’re interrupting the pattern by naming it.
That creates just enough distance for your nervous system to realize this moment is not an active threat — and the intensity drops.
3. Give Your Brain a Job It Can Finish
Rumination is unfinished business energy. Like a song on repeat you can't get out of your head.
Give your brain a contained task:
- List 5 things you can see
- Count backwards by 7s
- Name 3 songs you could sing start to finish
Completion tells your system: “Loop closed.”
4. Move Your Body in a Way That Matches the Energy
If the rumination feels buzzy or panicky, stillness can make it worse.
Try:
- A brisk walk
- Shaking out your arms
- Wall push-ups
- Stretching your neck and jaw
- Twerk it out... who cares!
You’re discharging energy, not calming thoughts.
5. Create a “Next Time” Plan — Then Stop
This one is key.
Ask:
“If this happens again, what’s one thing I’ll do differently?”
Write it down.
Then stop thinking about it.
A plan gives your nervous system a sense of control — which removes the need to keep replaying the event.
One Last Thing...
If you need these tools constantly, that’s a sign the system is overloaded — not that you’re doing them wrong.
Pattern interrupts are first aid.
Burning the blueprint is the deeper work.
Both have a place.
And you’re not failing if you start with the first.
See you next Wednesday — and as always, if you liked this, forward it to a friend so they can join the fam and be regulated like you.
- Renae
Wayward Wellness Coaching
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