Last week, I told you about the strange amount of attention I wanted from the host of the event I was attending.
It certainly wasn’t romantic. And I wasn’t looking for his validation or approval either. That’s what made the whole thing so fucking weird.
I managed to pull my attention back instead of spending the entire event monitoring whether I had his, which is what I talked about last week.
But that only addressed what I was doing. It didn’t explain why I was doing it.
And in true Renae fashion, I couldn’t leave that question alone.
I kept picking apart what was happening in my brain, what my nervous system might have been responding to, and what my own behavior was trying to show me.
Then a pattern started emerging.
Apparently, one example wasn’t enough. I needed three. So let me break it down for you. And by the end... maybe you'll be able to relate too.
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Shortcut #1: The golf course
My roommate for the weekend and I were walking from the villas to the resort when she said she knew a shorter route through the golf course.
Less walking. More importantly, less sweating. I was in.
And if you’ve ever been to Puerto Rico in August, you know the humidity isn’t just high — it’s fucking heavy. I felt like the entire ocean was pouring out of my pores.
We eventually came to a fork and we ended up taking a right. After walking for a bit, I said, “I think we should go back to that road. This doesn’t look right.”
But my roomie felt like we should keep going. She was convinced we’d eventually reach another road that would drop us near the resort.
I hesitated, but I went along with it.
We walked...
And walked.........
And kept fucking walking until it became obvious that this shortcut was taking us absolutely nowhere useful.
Eventually, we turned around, went back to the road I had originally pointed out, and discovered it was — in fact — the direct route.
She kept apologizing, but I wasn’t mad.
We were just significantly sweatier and had taken the scenic route through what felt like the entirety of the golf course.
No big deal... until the next shortcut arrived.
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Shortcut #2: The golf cart of doom
Another day, I planned to catch a ride with Mandy and Peter in a golf cart.
Again: less walking, less sweating, faster arrival. Except Mandy missed the turn to pick up Peter.
We tried to turn around, the golf cart stalled, and suddenly we were rolling backward down a hill with brakes that didn’t work for shit.
For some reason, I stuck my leg out.
I’m still not sure what I thought I was accomplishing. Maybe I planned to stop the entire golf cart with one limb. Maybe I was attempting to amputate the inconvenience away.
Thankfully, we eventually stopped. But now we were farther from where we needed to be, stranded with a broken golf cart and surrounded by hills.
So I got out and walked more than a mile and a half anyway.
My faster, sweat-free route had once again made the journey longer. At this point, you’d think I would’ve gotten the message.
But no.
My brain apparently needed the deluxe package.
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Shortcut #3: The flight home
Then, on my flight home, the third shortcut showed up.
Something involving the long-distance radio system needed for the shortest flight path wasn’t working. Without it, we had to take a different route — one that would add more than 30 minutes to the flight and require more fuel.
The only problem? They didn’t know what that route was yet.
So we sat on the plane while they figured out where we were going and added enough fuel to get us there.
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Three different situations. Three supposedly faster routes. Three detours that took me farther away or required more fuel.
Subtle, right?
But then it finally clicked... I hadn’t wanted the host’s attention because I needed him to validate me.
I wanted access.
Somewhere underneath the surface, I thought that if I could get close enough to him, he might see the value in me and my business. And if he saw it, maybe his connections could become my connections.
Maybe one relationship with the right person could open doors that would otherwise take years to reach on my own.
A good old-fashioned rubbing-shoulders-with-the-big-guys shortcut.
That was the connection between the host, the golf course, the golf cart, and the flight:
In every situation, something outside of me appeared to offer a faster route to where I wanted to go. And every time, the shortcut became a longer detour.
And here's what I've been learning the last few years... we’ve been trained not to trust ourselves. There’s nothing wrong with accepting help, building relationships, or knowing people who can open doors.
But none of those things can replace your own intuition, talents, and value.
We’ve been trained to trust the person who seems more certain. The person with the map. The person with the golf cart. The person with the connections.
Meanwhile, we question the quiet voice inside us saying, I don’t think this is my road.
I see this constantly during someone’s first Brainspotting session.
They’ll ask: Am I doing this right? What if I’m doing it wrong? Can you give me the answer?
They’re so used to looking outside themselves for the correct answer that trusting what comes up inside them feels uncomfortable. But there is no perfect answer they’re supposed to produce. Part of the work is learning that their own brain and body can lead the way.
And maybe that was the lesson I kept being shown all weekend.
The shortest path isn’t always through the person who seems to know more, have more, or hold the connections you want.
Sometimes it’s trusting what you already know, using what you already have, and continuing to walk your own damn road.
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This Week's Practice: Looking Inward
Think about an area of your life where you’ve been looking outside yourself for the “right” direction.
Then ask:
- What did I already know before I started second-guessing myself?
- Am I accepting support — or handing someone else the wheel?
- Do I actually want this path, or does it just look faster?
- What would I choose if I trusted myself to figure it out?
You don’t have to do everything alone.
But support should help you move in your direction — not convince you to abandon it. Because sometimes the shortcut isn’t shorter.
It just belongs to someone else.
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🎧 This Week on the Hustle Rebels Podcast
🎙️ In Case You Missed It on Hustle Rebels: Are you actually burned out from doing too much — or exhausted from trying to keep everyone around you happy?
Last week, I broke down the invisible emotional workload of people-pleasing: managing everyone’s disappointment, overexplaining your boundaries, refusing to ask for help, and pretending you never need support.
We talked about the difference between caring about someone’s feelings and carrying them — and one question that can help you recognize when you’re doing the latter:
Do I actually have a problem right now — or am I trying to make sure this person doesn’t have a problem with me?
And coming up next, Roberta Ravella, founder of The Joy Experiment, joins me for The Toolbox. We’re talking about worth, success, self-trust, ease, and the invisible rules we’ve inherited about how hard life — and success — are supposed to be.
Which, considering this week’s lesson about shortcuts, borrowed directions, and learning to trust yourself again, couldn’t be timed more perfectly.
Watch on YouTube:
Listen Here: [Why People-Pleasing Is Burning You Out: The Invisible Work of Managing Everyone Else]
· · ·
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Want to read previous newsletters?
Check em out here: [Read Previous Editions of The Weekly Recharge]
The right people can support you, guide you, and even open a few doors — but they can’t replace your own direction.
Trust what you know. Take the help that aligns. And stop abandoning your road just because someone else’s looks faster.
- Renae
Wayward Wellness Coaching
Hustle Rebels Podcast
