I was once called a cockroach by a guy I was casually dating.
I know that might sound like a dis... but I knew he meant it as a term of endearment.
He said something like, “You know what? You’re scrappy, like a cockroach. You’ll always survive anything because you’ll just figure it the f*ck out.”
And I do. I have worn that identity like a badge of honor my entire life. The “I’ll just figure it the f*ck out” part. Less of the cockroach part.
But isn’t that something that seems like strength?
Like damn, I’m really good at fixing things. Life gets me down and I spring back up. Something goes wrong and I find another way. Nothing can hold me down because somehow, some way, I always manage to figure it the f*ck out.
And honestly, I’ve been proud of that. But what if I’m tired of holding onto that identity?
What if it served its purpose, got me through a lot of really hard shit, and now it’s just worn me out?
Because frankly, I realized this weekend that I’m ready to shed that old identity. I’m fucking tired of figuring it the f*ck out.
Do you feel me?!
· · ·
It really hit me when I learned last week that I need another surgery.
I’ve mentioned it briefly, but I have a complication from my previous emergency surgery — the one that started this whole domino effect — and I officially need to have another surgery at the beginning of November.
At first, my brain immediately went into figure it out mode.
Alright. How do I work around gigs, work, networking, meetings… everything? My surgeon told me 6 full weeks of recovery. And my brain instantly started making a plan.
Okay, I can still do gigs if I get people to help me load in, set up and load out. I won’t lift anything. I can make this work.
And then I stopped and thought… Wait. Why am I doing this?!
Why am I working so hard to make this work when the surgeon literally said I need six weeks to recover?
I know how this ends. I’ve done this before.. three years ago when I had three surgeries in 18 months, and I had that exact same mentality. Go, go, go. Get back as fast as possible. Work around it. Make it work.
So I took a step back this weekend and realized I don’t actually care about the few hundred bucks I’d make from each gig... I’m terrified of letting people down.
That’s really what this is. I always. show. up.
I don’t like canceling. I don’t like leaving people scrambling. If something gets in the way, I figure out how to work around it.
But what about me?
Because while I’ve been so focused on not letting everyone else down, I’ve been letting myself down. I’ve been putting myself last and calling it "loyalty and reliability".
And looking back at the other surgeries, I did the same thing then too. I was so focused on getting back to normal, getting back to work and making everything fit around recovery that I probably never gave myself the chance to actually heal the way I needed to.
And here we are again.
I can’t say for sure that’s why I’m dealing with another complication now, but I can look at the pattern and realize that maybe doing the exact same thing again isn’t exactly genius.
· · ·
So I’m taking this as a karmic lesson. A chance to do it right this time around.
I’ve learned a lot more since going through all that shit the first time, and maybe now is the part where I actually implement it.
Because I think that’s the tricky thing about identities like this. They don’t feel like problems. They feel like strengths.
Being dependable and resilient. Being the person people know they can always count on and able to handle shit when it goes sideways.
And maybe those things ARE strengths. But I’m starting to realize there’s a difference between being capable of handling hard things and constantly expecting yourself to.
At some point, “I’ll figure it out” stopped being something I did when I needed to and became someone who I was... the scrappy one who just always survived and figured it the fuck out. Which never left any room for anyone else to have to figure it out for themselves.
And I’m tired of that.
· · ·
This Week’s Practice: Shedding Your Badge of Honor
Think about an identity you’ve worn like a badge of honor.
Maybe it’s something you’ve always been proud of — being dependable, hard-working, strong, independent, the person who can handle anything.
Then ask yourself:
Is this still serving me?
Or have I just always held onto it?
And maybe the bigger question:
What would happen if I stopped proving I was that person?
For me, that means taking the whole damn six weeks.
Not finding loopholes. Not trying to outsmart recovery. Not seeing how much I can still squeeze in without technically breaking the rules.
Actually recovering. Maybe the cockroach can finally take a f*cking break.
· · ·
🎧 This Week on the Hustle Rebels Podcast
🎙️ In Case You Missed It...Last week I talked about something that gets wildly oversimplified: burnout at work is about way more than working too many hours.
Poor leadership, lack of control, constant pressure, low recognition, values conflict, and never being able to mentally shut off can burn someone out even when their hours don’t look outrageous on paper.
I broke down what burnout can actually look like, some of the warning signs leaders and employees miss, and 3 things you can start doing right now to reduce it.
If you’ve ever thought, “I’m not even working THAT much… so why am I so fucking exhausted?” — or you lead people and want them to actually stay — give this one a listen.
Watch on YouTube:
Listen Here: [The Real Causes of Workplace Burnout: It’s Not Just Too Many Hours]
· · ·
Maybe this week isn’t about figuring it out.
Maybe it’s about noticing where you keep forcing yourself to be the person who can handle everything — and deciding you don’t have to prove that anymore.
I’m going to work on taking my own advice for once.
Wish me luck.
- Renae
Hustle Rebels
Hustle Rebels Podcast
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