Hey Reader,
When I was on the fire department, I was the first — and only — female on the department.
Somewhere along the way, this unspoken rule popped up: I had to take every female Section 12.
Now, if you’ve never heard of that term, a Section 12 is basically a psych hold — someone’s a risk to themselves or others.
Usually it meant someone was in deep distress… or drunk enough to say something dumb that landed them a one-way trip to the ER.
But here’s what made it wild:
I could be alone with violent male Section 12s. No problem. But a male provider couldn’t be alone with a calm, depressed female patient.
The concern wasn’t for the patient.
It was a liability.
Because god forbid a male provider just do his job while a woman’s having a depressive episode — she might “swoon” mid-crisis and do something forbidden.
*Insert 1920s outdated, patronizing “we must protect the poor men from female hysteria” nonsense* — straight out of my grandfather’s First Aid to the Injured handbook from when he was a firefighter in Canada.
(If you don’t believe me… go look up how they treated “female hysteria.” Spoiler: those are the photos above...describing a seizure under "female hysteria" - and to show no sympathy...good grief!)
I brought it up. Many times.
Said it didn’t make sense. Said it wasn’t policy. Said it reeked of bias.
And not because I didn’t want to work — I just couldn’t stand the assumption that if a woman was depressed or drunk, she was suddenly some kind of liability.
But every time I spoke up, I was dismissed.
Then one night — right at the peak of my burnout — it was a busy day. I’d just dealt with a combative male Section 12 who nearly kicked a hole in the ambulance door.
The next call? Another female Section 12. Calm, cooperative, just needed a ride.
And I snapped. (Politely, of course...)
Told the captain, “There’s no reason I should be taking this one. No policy says it. It’s Jeremy’s turn and he hasn’t taken the last 3 patients - I’m 3 reports deep.”
It was offensive — not just to me, but to every woman who’s ever been treated like she needed to be managed instead of supported.
Women deserve to be stood up for, too. And in that moment, that’s what I was trying to do.
Because here’s what no one wanted to talk about:
When the roles were reversed — when I was in the back with a male patient who made inappropriate comments or crossed a line — no one worried about my comfort or safety.
That happened more than once, right in front of colleagues. But apparently that wasn’t a liability.
Boom. Written up. “Insubordinate.” Remediation.
Like I’d just set the station on fire.
Here’s the kicker though:
They changed the policy after that — to exactly what I’d said. In fact, they even asked *ME* to help write the new policy.
So technically, I was the problem…
But I was also the reason it got fixed.
Lean in with me…
Holding the line isn’t about being agreeable — it’s about being anchored.
Sometimes calm looks like smiling and walking away.
Other times, it looks like calmly refusing to do the thing that makes no damn sense — even if it ruffles feathers.
Your nervous system might shake, your voice might quiver, but your truth doesn’t need volume to have weight.
That’s what confident authority really looks like.
For when you start to question your confidence…
When I kept getting dismissed, I started to question myself — my confidence, my authority, whether I was even seeing things right. Am *I* the crazy one?!?
If you find yourself in that same place — doubting your stance mid-conversation — here’s how to pull yourself back into grounded authority in real time.
This is your Confident Authority Check-In:
- Body check: Where’s my tension right now?
(Unclench your jaw. Drop your shoulders. Feel your feet.)
- Belief check: Am I trying to be right, or am I trying to be real? (React vs Respond)
- Boundary check: What’s the one line I won’t cross — even to stay liked?
And remember: posture speaks volumes.
Not just to the other person — but to your own nervous system. How you stand tells your body, I’m safe. I’m steady. I’ve got this.
That’s what authority feels like from the inside out.
No yelling required. Just regulation, clarity, and a dash of backbone.
And if you're looking for a book rec:
Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson & team — the gold standard for navigating high-stakes conversations without losing your cool (or your credibility).
I've also started a YouTube channel where I'll be posting weekly content! Next up is the new Mini Series "The Nervous System Economy": Stop bankrupting your body - Start building your emotional and energetic wealth.
You can subscribe here! https://www.youtube.com/@waywardwellnesscoaching
See you next Wednesday - and if you liked this, forward it to a friend so they can join the fam, too.
- Renae
By the way…
If you’ve ever walked away from a hard conversation thinking, “Ugh, I should’ve said something,” or think to yourself, "Why can't I just do ONE thing right?!" — that’s exactly who I built my new course, "Confident Authority" for.
It’s coming soon. But you’re in the right place for when it launches.
Because authority doesn’t come from control — it comes from nervous system regulation.
